If you’ve ever paused over writing an email, letter, or report, wondering whether to say who to contact or whom to contact, you’re not alone. This is one of those grammar dilemmas that trips up even seasoned writers. Using the right form can make your writing sound polished, professional, and credible, while the wrong choice can leave it awkward or confusing.
In this guide, we’ll break down the differences between who and whom, provide easy rules for determining which to use, and share practical examples from real-world communication. Whether you’re drafting emails, job applications, or business letters, this post will give you the confidence to write correctly every time.
By the end, you’ll not only understand the technical grammar rules but also know when it’s acceptable to bend them in informal writing without sounding awkward.
Understanding the Basics: Who vs. Whom
Before diving into the tricky question of who to contact or whom to contact, it’s essential to understand the fundamental difference between who and whom.
What Does Who Mean?
Who is used as the subject of a sentence. It performs the action of the verb. Whenever the person in question is doing something, you use who.
Examples:
- “Who is calling me right now?”
- “Do you know who wrote this report?”
- “Who will attend the meeting?”
Notice that in all these sentences, who is actively performing an action.
What Does Whom Mean?
Whom is the object of a sentence. It receives the action rather than performing it. Whenever the person is acted upon, you should use whom.
Examples:
- “To whom should I address this email?”
- “Whom did you see at the conference?”
- “With whom are you collaborating on this project?”
Why People Get Confused
The truth is, whom is falling out of everyday speech. Many native speakers now use who in almost all situations, which makes the distinction seem unnecessary. However, in formal writing, academic papers, and professional communication, choosing the right word demonstrates clarity and credibility.
Read More” What Does Soft Guy Era Drizzle Drizzle Mean?
Rules to Determine Who vs. Whom
The best way to avoid mistakes is to follow simple, practical rules.
Subject vs. Object Test
Ask yourself: “Is this person performing the action, or receiving it?”
- Subject → Who
- Object → Whom
Example:
- Correct: “Who called the client?” (the person is calling → subject)
- Correct: “Whom did you call?” (the person is being called → object)
Replacement Test
A foolproof method is to replace who/whom with he/she/they or him/her/them.
| Original Sentence | Replacement Test | Correct Version |
| ___ should I call? | I should call him? ✔ | Whom should I call? |
| ___ is sending the report? | He is sending the report? ✔ | Who is sending the report? |
| To ___ should I address this? | I should address this to him ✔ | To whom should I address this? |
If he/she/they fits, use who. If him/her/them fits, use whom.
Preposition Rule
Whenever whom follows a preposition like to, for, with, by, it is usually correct.
Examples:
- “The client to whom I sent the proposal responded quickly.”
- “For whom is this package intended?”
- “The person with whom I spoke was very helpful.”
This rule is particularly important in formal emails and letters, where prepositions often precede the object of the sentence.
Special Cases and Exceptions
Even with rules, English is not always straightforward. Some cases allow flexibility.
Informal vs. Formal English
In casual speech and writing, people often replace whom with who, and it rarely causes confusion. For instance:
- “Who did you meet at the conference?” sounds fine, even though technically whom is correct.
- “Whom did you meet at the conference?” sounds more formal and precise.
Questions That Sound Better With Who
Some questions feel unnatural with whom, especially when spoken aloud.
Example Comparison:
- Awkward: “Whom are you going to invite?”
- Natural: “Who are you going to invite?”
In situations like this, prioritize readability and natural flow over strict grammar rules.
When Whom Feels Natural
Certain professional and academic contexts still require whom for correctness:
- Legal writing: “To whom it may concern…”
- Formal letters: “Please contact the manager to whom this applies.”
- Academic citations: “The researcher to whom the theory is attributed…”
Real-World Examples
Let’s see how these rules apply in everyday communication:
Email Subject Lines
- Correct: “Who to Contact for Technical Support”
- Formal: “To Whom Should I Direct Technical Inquiries?”
Business Correspondence
Using whom adds credibility in letters or memos:
- “Please forward this request to the team member to whom it pertains.”
- “Kindly inform the employee whom you’ve selected for the project.”
Social Media and Blogs
Even in informal contexts, many writers misuse whom:
- Incorrect: “Who should I send this to?”
- Correct: “To whom should I send this?” (formal)
- Acceptable casual: “Who should I send this to?”
Case Study: Job Application Emails
A job seeker writes:
- Incorrect: “Who should I address this email?”
- Correct: “To whom should I address this email?”
The difference is subtle but can impact professional impression. Using whom shows attention to detail.
Quick Tips & Memory Tricks
Here are some easy ways to remember the difference:
- He/She = Who
- Him/Her = Whom
- After a preposition → usually Whom
- Read your sentence aloud; if it sounds awkward, you might need whom.
Mnemonic:
“Whom is the object, like him or her. Who is the subject, like he or she.”
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Even native speakers make mistakes. Avoid these pitfalls:
- Using who after a preposition in formal writing.
- Confusing the subject and object in compound sentences.
- Overcorrecting by forcing whom where it sounds unnatural.
- Mixing up who and whom in emails, letters, and reports.
Examples:
| Incorrect | Correct |
| “Who should I send this to?” | “To whom should I send this?” |
| “To who it may concern” | “To whom it may concern” |
| “Who did you give the file?” | “Whom did you give the file to?” |
Conclusion
Mastering the difference between who to contact or whom to contact is a small step that can have a big impact. Using who and whom correctly improves clarity, professionalism, and credibility in your writing.
While whom is less common in casual writing, using it in formal contexts demonstrates your command of the language. Don’t stress too much over informal messages, but polish your professional emails, letters, and reports for the right impression.
FAQs
Q1: Can I always use who instead of whom?
Informally, yes, it’s widely accepted. In professional writing, it’s better to follow the rules.
Q2: Is whom dying out in English?
In spoken English, yes. In formal writing, it still matters.
Q3: How do I know when a preposition requires whom?
If whom comes after prepositions like to, for, with, or by, it is generally correct.
Q4: Can I sound natural while using whom in speech?
Absolutely. Practice phrases like “To whom it may concern” until they feel natural.
Q5: Are there style guides that forbid whom?
Some modern style guides accept who in nearly all situations, but AP and Chicago still prefer proper use of whom in formal contexts.
